Solving marriage (wife) problems and tips for happy married life
Generally people have complaints about their wife not being upto their expectations or she does not care for me? Or she is not close to me Either the wife is dominating, or nagging, or not doing what she is supposed to do - it can be anything like not preparing food, not keeping house clean, not caring for kids or getting angry, she can be demanding or not understanding.
- When in a conflict or fight, try to ask a question, what I still like about her or absolutely love. Think of some quality which is difficult to find in others. Else ask the question, why did you marry her ?. This step is crucial, you must find 1 quality about her that you absolutely admire. Keep this in your mind always. This is something you should remember everytime , in middle of fights, when you are angry. The more qualities you can find, the better you will be in your married life.
Say for eg: You like her beauty or figure or the fact that she is intelligent or simple good things she may be doing in her day to day life.
What are you having regular conflict about, it will be most likely on two to three issues or related issues. Typically there is one or two aspects of her life is getting in the way of your happiness.
Say she is beautiful but extremely messy . The question to ask - "Will I be happy with a wife that is ugly but extremly clean ?" By asking such questions you will realize that there is no way to be fully happy or there is nothing like a perfect wife.
You need to find a better way to solve the problem. Say hire a maid, or clean things yourself or with her permission keep reminding her to clean up the place. There is no reason to be constantly thinking about something which is not in your control. It's possible that its just not in her nature to do that task. You cannot change the basic nature of the person, you can only adjust to each others style and living.
Since you have decided to live with her, and not separate out - the solution has to be found to the problem. if you can jointly sit and talk about each other feelings then it would be even better. In fact that is the only way to solve the problems, both of you must be on same page. Take her out to dinner or coffee and talk over the problem.
Most of the problems in married life happens when you compare your wife with someone else. That is when she falls short of your expectations and the problems start. Say for eg: if you have a messy wife, are you not thinking about someone you know who is spanking clean ? It could be your mother, friend's wife.etc. Since there is no such thing as perfect wife, think about the problems your friend could be having with her wife. If you think your friend is happy you are a wrong. There is no such thing as a perfectly married life. When two people meet there are bound to be problems.
So your wife does not meet your expectations because you think she can be XYZ but she is not making an effort. She is probably making a lot of effort from her side, but its possible that she is still falling short of your expecatations OR Your demands are unreasonable or you have had an attitude problem or plain simple your expectations are way too high. If you ask her, most likely she will have a problem living up to your expectations.
So step 3 is to find what can be changed about yourself, how you can have reasonable expectations and what you could be doing wrong in the situation.
Think about what is going on in her mind - She loves you but she is short of appreciation, admiration, affection and acknolwedgement of love. She has unmet emotional needs, due to which she is not able to meet your emotional needs. She married you, left her house, family and started living with you. Ofcourse she would also want a better husband or maybe just someone more understanding. Try to meet her emotional needs then you will have a wife who is always attracted to you.
Once you have gone through above 4 steps, by now you would have stopped blaming her fully and started thinking that problem can be on both sides.
Tricks for a happy married life.
1. Happy married life is not an oxymoron. Successful people know how to keep their wife always attracted towards them. If your wife is not responding as per your expectations, you have failed to keep her attracted towards you. Be a wife magnet, try to find ways to keep her attracted towards you.
2. Keep doing things that she absolutely loves - Ask her what attracted her towards you in first place. Every single day try to do things that she likes, then she will reciprocate and do things that you love.
3. "Catch her doing things right" and start appreciating every small thing she does. This will change the atmosphere in the house almost immidiately. Her emotional needs will be met and she will start responding better to your needs and wants. Find reasons or a better word is excuse to appreciate her constantly. Once you have done this, you would have deposited enough in her emotional bank to get your life back on track.
4. When you are angry or have shouted at her after you cool down take the first step and apologise. A successful husband is the one who apologizes to her wife every time she is wrong. And in this case you were wrong since you have shouted at her, all the more reason for you be the first one to apologize. As husband, believe it or not you are at higher pedastal, you must have the mercy to forgive and as a gentleman courtesay to be the first one.
"Forgiving those who have caused you pain is your gift to others
Forgetting the pain they caused is your gift to yourself"
Once you have given the other person gift of your forgiveness, you can expect a return gift. If you show this humbleness and humility, I can guarantee you a happy married life.
5. Prevent wife jokes. Constantly reading wife jokes can break your married life. Every time you read a wife joke you are creating a neuro link in your mind that wives are trouble some. Constant bombardment of wife jokes makes a strong neural connection in your mind and finally it transforms into belief that wives are bad, nagging, troublesome, dominating etc. This must stop. You must feed your brain with positive things about marraige and relationship, this feed will keep you in positive mindset and will help you resolve a problem or conflict.
6. When is the last time you were lightheard and playful with your wife. I am sure you used to do it before marraige or during honeymoon. When you stopped doing that you stopped getting the desired pleasure from your wife. Be silly, light hearted, open and playful with your wife.
7. Be physical - Touch her occassionally, not just during the intercourse. Be soft and gentle with her sensitive body parts and make her feel loved. Look good for her, wear a good perfume
Remember wives make a lot of sacrifices for their husbands 1) they fake orgasms to keep you happy. 2) They fight for their husband's prestige with others and family 3) They secretly pray for your health and long life 4) they want you to be successful and achieve your dreams 5) They take the blame and shouting and all bad treatment your family gives 6) Wives take care of kids and many times sacrifice their sleep to keep you in sound sleep.
I am sure if not all of the above atleast one would be true for you. So appreciate her sacrifices and acknowledge her positive contribution in your life.
Finally I would end this article by saying , your wife is like a flower, the more you water her , the more she will bloom and you will be able to enjoy her fragrance, if you fight and complain, you are crushing the flower (hurting her or breaking her heart) and then you cannot expect it to bloom or be fragrant. So keep your flower always blooming.