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How to deal with egoistic people
Submitted by admin on Mon, 2012-01-23 02:03
How do you deal with people who think they are the best, live in their own world of fantasy?. If you try to say anything they would cut you out with a perfectly logical argument. If you keep quite they take you for granted. Some people just think they know everything right and wrong and there is nothing anyone can teach them.
I had come across one such person. He was not only egoistic but even an hypocrite. However in his mind he was doing everything right. He would surround himself with people who praise him, so that he can feed his ego more. Unfortunately he was a leader in many initiatives and projects. Which means that people have to work with him and there is no way around.
He would never go and raise any issue with his subordinates or peers in other groups, he would wait for people to come to him and start a dialogue. He would always find a best and logical explanation to a problem or situation without solving it.
When it comes to dealing with such people, you can give them any suggestions as he would rule it over with a better idea he has. Even if you do good work, he will try to find something missing and criticize you for that. If you are persistent in something , they get insecure and even angry or wild. They want to be in complete control of the situation at any point of time. The moment they realize they are out of control , they would switch off or get angry.
Dealing with such people is difficult and definitely not easy. However the situation is exciting, because if you can crack such a tough nut, you will be able to deal with many such difficult interactions in future.
Egoistic people we commonly encounter in our life are :
Bosses, Team leaders, group leaders at work
If you are in perfoming arts like Singing, Acting etc then such people are ubiquitous
Spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or ex
Family members, relatives
In one such interaction, this is how I dealt with the person.
Do not try to change the person. Accept him as he is, Label him in your mind , and register in your brain that you need to deal with this person differently and it may be some tough interactions.
I found out his intentions are not bad. He just was insecure deep down and most of his bad behavior was a result of that. The bad behavior was not towards me, it would be the same with any person in my position.
Next I decided that to counter him I will have to leave aside "my ego" and become transactional. Meaning deal every discussion as start of new transaction and don’t carry any history from past.
Try to give long answers to them, don’t rush in saying yes or no. Explain things in nice tone and then mention that you would have done it if it was possible for you.
When he is angry, Its best to leave him alone that day or till the time he settles down.
Act unhappy and in need of something, sometimes it help fill his ego. Do this only if you are genuinely unhappy.
One of the best ways to get his attention is to show him extra respect and extra courtesy. It doesn’t hurt me to do that. If it makes the situation easy to deal with. I decided to give this person the gift of my love and respect.
I would generally confront him, rather than keep quite, if situation becomes out of control , I would apologize and move on. This way he knows that I will not blindly accept everything he does or says.
Whenever possible try to explicitly mention to him that I don’t necessarily agree with him and also try to point out his rude behavior. At first he may become wild , but with time he would realize
Do not gossip about this person with anyone. Save the energy , for your next transaction with the person.
What is the root cause of all this.
Deep down if you look into any of these people, they are unhappy either about their past or they are insecure and fear something bad will happen to them and they would go back to their past life. We should show some sympathy to them, because displaying an egoistic behavior is not normal, there is something not quite right in their life and they are not in full control of the situation, which manifests in other forms and other interactions.\
Root cause of such behaviours is unmet emotional needs, and they try to compensate by dominating, manipulating people, showing behaviors which make them feel superior to others, generally something which makes them feel smartest, fastest or the best.
Keep this perspective in mind when dealing with them, don’t judge them since we may not know enough about them to make a judgment.
If you can forgive these people for their mistakes then you have reached a level of self control and mastered you ego (to some extent) and you are most likely successful person in your life. Remember every problem is a doorway to an opportunity.